We all have buttons. Things that just annoy us. Triggers that seem to send us off the deep end. We feel like people should know better. Why don’t they just stop doing this or that, or start doing what they’re supposed to do? I know I’ve certainly been there, done that. What I have learned though is that what annoys us in others is often something in ourselves that we’re not happy with. I’ll give you an example of this from my own life. I used to get annoyed with a particular boss and how she treated others. I just couldn’t understand it. Then I started to do some self reflection. I realized that I put so much emphasis in this area of being a good leader and treating people well but underneath it all I tried so hard because I felt like I wasn’t good enough so when I saw her exhibit this behavior it triggered something in me and I started to judge her when really that was an area in my life I had issues with. Also, I was what I call ‘oozing’. What in the world does that mean? All our negative thoughts/feelings ‘ooze’ out subconsciously and can be sensed by others without us saying a word.
The lesson I learned is it’s not about the other person. It’s about how we internalize it and what our expectations are that dictate how we interpret a situation. When I believed she’s doing the best she can with what she has (because we’re all human) and there are reasons that she feels like it’s the right thing to do, my judgment of her lifted. It didn’t mean that I agreed with her actions or accepted everything she did, but it did help me change my perspective, see her in a different light and interact with her from a place of compassion and love rather than judgment. It completely changed that relationship and improved the work environment for me. She actually started to act differently and things became much better. It’s amazing what some powerful reframing can do.
Here’s another tip, when something/someone annoys you, try to find the positive. For example, when your kids leave clothes all over the floor after you’ve asked them to pick up after themselves a million times, thank God they have clothes and you have children! It seems simple but these small changes in thoughts can make a huge difference to the way we feel and the way we view and treat others.
“Transformation is my favorite game and in my experience, anger and frustration are the result of you not being authentic somewhere in your life or with someone in your life. Being fake about anything creates a block inside of you. Life can’t work for you if you don’t show up as you.”
― Jason Mraz
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Have an amazing week!